ESPECIALLY if they're the type who would never willingly compromise themselves like that.
Today, I'm going to explore what the characters in my books would be like if they were completely, horribly, falling-down drunk. After that, I'd love for you to share your thoughts on how your favorite characters would behave if they'd had a few too many.
After having three drinks too many, she suddenly turns on a nearby soldier and starts shouting that she doesn't know why they're in her country, what they're fighting over, or whose side she should be on.
Furthermore, she doesn't care, because she's far too busy cleaning up after their firefights and organizing apples to take time to study politics.
She then stumbles for the door, muttering about how the oranges aren't sorted properly, and musing on the possible medicinal applications of abandoned towels and vodka.
If he weren't bedridden, his advanced combat skills would make him a serious hazard to everyone in the vicinity. As it is, the Beachwalker's attempt to numb his pain with alcohol results in him valiantly saving her from his unfortunate pillow.
After clumsily vanquishing his feather-stuffed foe, he grabs her arm, hugs it tightly enough to make her nervous, and repeatedly thanks her for rescuing him. Unfortunately, in the midst of his drunk, ranting delirium, he's forgotten that he's mute.
Following the Fugitive's socially oblivious example, he hugs the Beachwalker hard enough to worry her, then begins to cry and tell her how she's like the daughter he never had.
This level of closeness quickly overwhelms her low capacity for intimacy, but because he seems to need it, she lets him keep hugging her. When he realizes she's quit breathing, his drunk brain concludes that the best way to apologize is to give her everything in the shop, without regard for the fact that she can't carry all of it, and doesn't have a house of her own to store it in.
The stroke of midnight finds his comrades dragging him away from a hole he was digging in a random dead person's garden. He insists that he needs to apologize to someone face-to-face, and apparently digging up the garden is the best way to do it.
Normally, Alexandra is the one writing the paper. The day after her drinking binge, she ends up being featured in it, because she repeatedly drunk dialed every news company in town to inform them of her theories about the resident alien superhero and his abduction-happy nemesis.
Ironically, even though the story focused on the drunk reporter's embarrassing antics, her theories turn out to be right. She occasionally rubs this in by joyriding across town in a borrowed spaceship.
As soon as his cells absorb the alcohol, the shapeshifter realizes that he's made a horrible mistake. He loses all motor skills, followed swiftly by the capacity to maintain a solid form, and dissolves into a helpless puddle of shapeshifter goo.
He spends the next few minutes sloshing around in delirious distress while Zorei attempts to mop him into a bucket.
Alexandra's drunk-dialing spree is interrupted when Zorei drunk-dials her. She's the third person he's called that night, because it took him several tries to get the right number, and when she asks about the unfamiliar caller ID he doesn't remember whose cell phone he's using. He does, however, have a suspiciously cell phone-sized bruise on his head.
He informs her that he's abducted Kadian, and she needs to come over and rescue him. Even for an alien supervillain, the natural order of the superhero world is hard to remember when you're drunk.
Alexandra comes over, and they soon realize that they have no idea how to solidify Kadian, nor does Zorei really want to. In an attempt to restore him to a not-liquid form, Alexandra puts Kadian in the freezer, then she and Zorei end up playing video games and forgetting him altogether until Alexa shows up.
Alexa complains at Zorei for drunk-dialing her after his betrayal, and at Alexandra about fraternizing with her abductor and forgetting about her rescuer. Unfortunately, her train of thought is no clearer than her friend's, and her attempts to repair Kadian don't accomplish anything besides smearing half-frozen shapeshifter goo all over herself.
Alexandra starts to jokingly offer baby names for the happy couple, and Alexa starts a frantic monologue about the medical implications of a human-Marei hybrid. Zorei, meanwhile, takes advantage of the distraction to shoot Alexandra's plane out of the video game's sky.
Having decided that legal channels are taking too long, Drunken Dan attempts to hunt Zorei down personally. Unfortunately, the gun he would be carrying if he was sober is, instead, a beer bottle. He tries to arrest Zorei anyway, and Zorei responds by dumping Kadian over his head.
Upon realizing that he's become inebriated, Sam's first reaction is to drunk-dial his mother to apologize for being drunk. When she asks what he's doing, he explains that he's sitting in his house trying not to do anything until he's sober.
What he does not tell her is that his catgirl roommate is wandering the house naked, and he's locked himself in his room to avoid giving her kittens.
As it turns out, eating houseplants is hard when you're drunk. So is unrolling toilet paper, splashing water out of your bowl, spreading the remains of the neighbour's hamster around the house, and invading closed bedrooms. You can give it your best effort, but the resulting mess just isn't as satisfying.
Puking on the carpet is easy, though. So that's what she does.
In a breach of his normally professional conduct, the policeman shows up at Sam's house to see if he can get him even drunker, and to find out what Nyla would be like if she was completely plastered.
Together, they discover that teaching cats tricks is more fun when you're drunk. But it's also harder when the cat is drunk. In the end, it's funnier just to lead her around with a laser pointer and watch her fall on her face. So that's what he does.
Anton thinks Nyla is hot even when he's sober. And now, he's drunk enough to forget what happens when you try to rub a cat's chest while it's feeling playful.
Unfortunately for him, she still has enough motor skills to remind him.
The encounter ends with Jack clumsily trying to bandage Anton's thoroughly clawed arm, while Anton drunkenly rambles about how crazy women are when they're drunk. A loud "I told you so!" emanates from Sam's still-locked bedroom, and in the living room, Jack resumes laughing.
Now it's your turn. What would your favorite character be like if they were drunk?
I look forward to reading your hilarious speculations.