When I first started writing Catgirl Roommate, it was supposed be straight comedy. No significant character drama - just pure laughs and mischievous feline fluff.

And then a policeman named Jack invited himself into the story, and proceeded to turn my light fluffy comedy into a coming-of-age story for my persnickety, semi-spineless young protagonist.

At first, I wasn't so sure about the unexpected intrusion upon the mood I was aiming for.

What if the slight adjustment in tone made it less funny, thus defeating the purpose of those parts of the book?

I didn't want this new development to turn into a plot tumor that lowered the overall quality of the novel.

And yet, at the same time, part of me welcomed this unexpected twist, due to an equally unforeseen complication in the process of writing Catgirl Roommate.

As great as it was to take a break, I still wanted to keep my main project moving forward. But writing pure comedy was still failing to hold my interest... until Jack decided to take matters into his own hands.

I have to admit, I didn't see it coming.

The last thing I'd expected was for a character I'd never planned to write to get me back on track by creating a track I'd never planned to travel.

But when he strolled into the story, bringing years of wisdom and a new sense of humor along with him, I soon realized it was best to just let him do his thing.

So I let him interact with Sam, weaving some amusing shenanigans on Nyla's part into their encounters to keep the laughs coming.

And as it turned out, instead of derailing my carefully guarded humorous story, this extra layer of character development breathed new life into it.

Here are a few lessons I learned from this experience:

Lesson 1:

If you've got ideas in your head that you're waiting to write down, because you're trying to focus exclusively on a story that's starting to lose your interest, don't be afraid to take a break.

Get those ideas on paper or screen, before they go stale in your head.

Get the distractions out of your system.

Maybe even write something low-stakes, like a fanfiction, just to grease your mental wheels and let your imagination fly with no limits or expectations weighing down its wings.

And then, once you've mentally stepped outside your story for some fresh air, you can return to it with new vigor, ready to write a better story than you would have if you'd tried to just push through.

Lesson 2:

​Don't burden your story with limiting expectations of what it "should" be.

If you have high intentions for your book, by all means, live up to them.

But don't limit your story by placing constricting requirements on it that demand it to be less than what it can be.

Lesson 3:

If you want to write something, but it isn't in your plans for your current project, see if you can weave it in.

I wasn't planning on including deep explorations of the characters' psyches in this book, even though I love writing those. Indeed, I missed writing them. But they weren't part of the plan.

Instead of waiting to write what I wanted to write until the next project, or sidetracking entirely onto other projects, I included what I wanted to write in my current project.

Depending on how compatible your latest impulse is with your current project, this may not be viable for your situation. But it's certainly worth exploring.

And have you ever been in a situation like mine?

I look forward to reading your comments.

I have been pondering an interesting question of late: could a love story be loved if it weren't full of myths?

Last week, I revealed 5 tempting but destructive myths that romance writers seem disturbingly fond of.

They sell us stories in which incomplete people are completed by love...

Having the right relationship is "enough" to fill the hole in your heart...

The presence of a male and female lead means they'll inevitably and swiftly fall in love, and it will last... 

Any relationship, no matter how incompatible, immature or even hostile, can work if the characters love each other enough...

And abusive, controlling or stalkerish behavior can be excused if the character doing it is emotionally damaged or hopelessly in love. The victim doesn't have to end the relationship for their own safety - the relationship is, or soon ​will be, OK the way it is.

Given that one of the core elements of a romance story is escapism, the desire to retreat from reality and enjoy a love story more passionate and romantic than the life one actually lives, could a love story be beloved if it didn't deal in comforting myths?

What if the damaged, incomplete character had to do the inner work to heal, grow, and complete himself/herself?

What if the person driven by emptiness and longing had to heal the core wounds that created those feelings, instead of getting another person to do it all for them?

What if the love interest's love was like a hospital - a place in which one could heal - instead of being the medicine that cured the wound by itself?

Would readers be willing to accept a story that implied such responsibility, instead of offering the promise that the right love would fix everything, with no real work on their part?

What if the fact that the would-be lovers were always sniping, criticizing and arguing DIDN'T mean they were secretly in love and perfect for each other - what if it meant they were too immature to sustain a relationship, and needed to grow before lasting love would be possible?

And what if the character who was passionate and generous with gifts and compliments, but who was also manipulative, controlling and emotionally unstable, was portrayed for what they are: a dangerous and unhealthy partner who shouldn't be touched with a ten-foot pole until they heal and grow up?

If a love story didn't portray an idealized version of romance, where hostility is OK and love fixes everything, would it have a hope of becoming as popular as things like Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey?

I hope so. I'm actually working on outlining such a story - the romance won't be the only plot, but it will be a large factor.

​Two damaged characters fall in love... but before they can be happy together, they must find a way to heal and be happy with themselves.

Does it bother you when romance stories perpetuate myths?

And would you like to see a love story where the characters need to grow up, heal, and deal with their own baggage instead of getting someone else to do it for them?

​I look forward to reading your comments.

In case you're wondering what I'm talking about, instead of sagely and sadly shaking your head in a quiet fit of "I know, right?", here are some examples of movies and tendencies that you may have seen, but may not have pegged as being or exemplifying romantic myths:

1.
In the movie named after him, Jerry Maguire famously tells his love interest that she completes him.

2.
In a movie I just finished watching, which I won't name because this is a bigger spoiler than "the characters in a rom-com get together", the main character discovers that the woman he loves is "enough to fill the hole in you" - that if he's with her, he'll no longer crave the attention and applause he's been pursuing his entire life.

3.
Over and over, I've seen characters fall in lasting love in an insanely short span of time, with the strong implication that the relationship actually lasts.

4.
Obvious incompatibilities or personality problems can be overlooked if love (read: lust) is strong enough. This is so pervasive that item 98 in The Evil Overlord List says, 

​I'll go through them one at a time. My first victim will be:
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Many people would like to believe that the right lover will "complete them".

Even if they're insecure, emotionally unhealthy, and don't have much of a life of their own, they cling to the idea that a special person will come into their life and change everything... without them having to do the work of changing themselves.

The trouble is, nobody else can complete you, and you can't complete anybody else.

Each person has to complete themselves, and people who don't understand that are destined to either be alone, or to cycle through a series of codependent relationships filled with unrealistic expectations and disappointment, until they finally learn that Jerry is full of crap and "you complete me" is a myth.

​But it is rather comforting, isn't it? To think that someone else will just come in and take care of all that hassle for you? Speaking of hassle, let's move on to...
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Many people, even those who aren't protagonists with spoilers attached to them, feel like there's something missing in them, or something's not quite right.

They feel that maybe if they got that promotion, did a little better in their field, overcame a character flaw, or - of course - got that one special relationship, then maybe that hole would finally be filled.

The pain and feelings of inadequacy would go away, and they'd finally feel loved, secure, whole, and like they were good enough.

You can probably guess where this is going, since it's closely related to Jerry's example, but here goes:

​No relationship is going to fill that hole in you.

I like to use the analogy that love is like a hospital.

It's a safe place to heal, to let down your guard, and to do the exercises that will identify and heal the wounds, repattern the old beliefs and habits, and help you do the growing you need to do in order to fill that hole.

But love is NOT a magic cure that heals wounds by itself, any more than simply being in a hospital will make a bullet hole go away.

This myth is one of the reasons why people get into abusive relationships. In some cases, the abuser expects their victim to be the solution to all their inner problems, to be perfect enough to fill the hole that is causing their pain, anger or insecurity.

And the abused believes that this is a realistic expectation - that if only they were better in some way, they could heal or change their abuser, or live up to their deluded expectations.

Needless to say, this myth pisses me off, because it leads to a LOT of pain and suffering in real life.

And yet, people love it, because what could be better than being let off the hook for ALL of the inner growth you would otherwise need to do?

Believing that your abusive relationship will get better if you could only fill the hole, that's what.
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Now this is a tempting one. After all, that intense chemical romance you feel HAS to be real, right?

It's intense, powerful, overwhelming, true, and it will definitely last for your whole life and overcome anything that could possibly get in its way.

...Unless, of course, you and your partner lack all the skills necessary to make your love last, and you spend all your time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when you are saving each others' lives, at which point there are hints of sexual tension.

If I had a dollar for every couple who thought their love could overcome all the inner wounds, bad relationship skills, and lack of a desire to do the work it takes to maintain a relationship, only to find themselves falling out of love after a few months or years, I'd be as rich as some of the writers who promote this myth.

As with anything worthwhile in life, maintaining a healthy relationship takes a certain set of skills.

And if the participants lack the mutual respect, conflict resolution skills, and emotional maturity to create and keep a good romance, their 'happily ever after' probably isn't going to last much longer than the ending credits do.

"Do you know why he's teasing you? Because he likes you!"

I don't know how many little boys grow up hearing that kind of stupidity, but it's infamous as a way to excuse boys' bad treatment of little girls.

Boys, meanwhile, are told not to hit girls, and can get in trouble for it even if the girl started it.

And then there are the romance novels where one of the partners manipulates, humiliates, controls, degrades, terrorizes, or even physically harms their partner... but it's all right, because they're only doing it because they're so passionate about you!

Or if it isn't because of their overwhelming burning love for you, it's because they're emotionally damaged, and it's your responsibility to stick around and heal their wounded heart.

The trouble is, if you make it easy to continue their bad behavior by staying in a relationship with them, guess what happens?

You guessed right (I hope) - when you make it easy to keep misbehaving, they keep misbehaving! They don't have the motivation to change their ways.

Now, that's not to say that there have NEVER been instances where one partner decided to change and improve in order to become a better partner, because they loved their significant other so much.

But when a person is being abusive, and their partner condones or accepts their abuse, that just tells them that they don't need to change.

And no amount of passion, romance, or perceived responsibility for the other person's healing is going to make up for the catastrophic levels of damaged the abused partner will probably sustain before they realize the other person wasn't planning to change, and get the heck out of there.

And if that isn't horribly un-romantic, I don't know what is.

Have you noticed some disturbing trends in romance stories?

Do you have a myth you'd like to bust?

​I'd love to hear from you in the comments.

​I already knew that writing was fun. But according to Alice Calch, the act of writing actually influences your brain in 7 interesting ways!

I thought her insights were pretty cool, so I decided to share them with you. Click the button below to check them out.
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