Why does the Star-Lord/Gamora ship bug me so much?

No, it's not just the mind-numbing predictability of the fact that if the protagonist is male, and a physically attractive female happens to be a major member of the cast, they'll most likely get together - especially if they argue with each other.

Heck, this mandatory component of a happy ending doesn't even require that the female is a major character, or even that she's really a character.

She could be the barely-mentioned non-character who gets handed to him like the prize at the bottom of the cereal box as a reward for his heroics, no relationship development needed, as long as the requirement that a happy ending must include romance is fulfilled.

That pet peeve of mine notwithstanding, the bland obviousness of the couple is forgivable. It's a big obstacle to me actually LIKING the ship, but it isn't what makes me wish the ship would sink.

It was two scenes in particular that ruined the Peter/Gamora ship for me.

​Let's look at the first and worst of them:

Peter: (Pulls Gamora into a dance.)

Gamora: What are you doing, Peter?

Peter: Dance with me.

Gamora: I'm not going to dance with you.

Peter: (Ignores what she just said and keeps dancing with her.)

Well, isn't that cute. He loves her so much that he insists on sharing an activity he enjoys with her, even though she just said "no", to prove to himself that they're compatible.

Maybe you're saying, "What's wrong with that?"

First off, imagine if you were standing in a bar, and some guy just grabbed you and started dancing with you. You told him no, which SHOULD be the end of it... but he just keeps dancing with you.

Granted, Peter and Gamora know each other, so it isn't QUITE as creepy as the stranger-in-a-bar scenario. But it doesn't stop there.

After Gamora threatens to kill him if he ever tells anyone about this (in case you were worried that I was going to focus solely on the man's questionable relationship skills), the conversation continues:

Peter: When are we gonna do something about this unspoken thing between us?

Gamora: What unspoken thing?

Peter: This... Cheers, Sam and Diane... a guy and a girl on a TV show who dig each other... but never say it because if they do, the ratings would go down... sort of thing.

Gamora: There's no unspoken thing.

Peter: Well, it's a catch-22, because if you said it, then it would be spoken, and you would be a liar. So, by not saying it... you are telling the truth, and admitting that there is.

Me:​ Um... WHAT. For one thing, that doesn't make sense. How does her saying there is no unspoken thing constitute admitting that there is an unspoken thing?

​Now you're just twisting her words, and refusing to hear anything but what you WANT to hear, no matter how nonsensical.

And, more importantly, SHE JUST SAID NO. And when a woman (or ANY love interest of any gender or lack thereof) says no, that's the part where you back off.

But what if there IS an unspoken thing, and they just don't know or won't admit to it?
​
Sure, you might be noticing something that they're not. Or you could be projecting your own wishes onto them. Or maybe they really aren't interested yet, but will start to feel differently as the relationship evolves.

But no matter which of those scenarios you're looking at, the basic rule holds: when someone says no, ESPECIALLY in the area of romance, you respect their boundaries and their right to make their own decisions, and you back the heck off.

Does Peter do that?

​No.

And not only does he blatantly ignore her "no" twice in quick succession, but now he's trying to twist her words so that no matter what she says or how clearly she says it, her "no" means "yes" to him.

Now picture that happening in the bedroom.

Are you starting to see how creepy this is? Guess what  - it gets worse.

In case you still think this "no"-defying behavior is romantic or at least OK, I've got bad news:

Outside of sugarcoated fictionland, where toxic relationship behavior is played off as harmless and is even romanticized, refusing to accept a love interest's "no" and disrespecting their physical boundaries are actually signs of a potential date rapist.

Now, you might be thinking, "You're blowing this out of proportion. Peter's a good guy. He would never rape Gamora."

And you're right about part of that - of course Peter wouldn't rape Gamora.

For one thing, he isn't that kind of person.

​For another, she's a highly trained killer who would force-feed him his own penis in less time than it would take to say "I've made a tactical error".

And for a third, like I noted above, this is sugarcoated wish-fulfillment fictionland.

In stories like this, the fantasy that "The woman I want doesn't REALLY mean 'no'; she's just playing hard to get, or she doesn't know what she wants, or she doesn't want to be seen as a slut" is treated as an accurate perception, and violating her boundaries by keeping on pushing when she's already said "no" is treated like it's romantic instead of the warning sign that it is.

And that's where the second ship-killing scene comes in: the part where Gamora says "It's just an unspoken thing".

Because it's not like her "no" actually MEANT anything; she was just a confused, frigid woman who didn't know or wouldn't admit that she really was in love with the guy she was telling to back off, right?

If this were an isolated incident with no real-world implications, it wouldn't bother me as much.

Unfortunately, stories like this are symptomatic of a widespread myth that "no means yes", which causes vast amounts of suffering in real-world people, many of whom probably ignored the warning signs of a potential rapist because pop culture had taught them that continuing to push after hearing "no" is romantic, not threatening.

And it doesn't just affect the recipient of the unwanted attention - it also affects well-meaning non-rapist pursuers who think they're doing the right thing by continuing to push, because that's what they were taught.

All that being the case, I was very disappointed in Guardians of the Galaxy for supporting this myth by rewarding Star-Lord for ignoring Gamora's clearly expressed opinions and desires.

In reality, most targets of unwanted pursuit are not trained assassins who could easily fend off a pursuer who's decided to just keep doing what they want regardless of their love interest's wishes.​

For real people, when someone keeps pushing after they've said "no", it isn't sexy or romantic. It's annoying at best, often scary, and at worst, a sign that they're in danger of suffering serious physical and/or psychological harm.

But what about Gamora threatening to kill him? Why does that only warrant a brief mention?

Because anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that threatening to kill people is bad.

You don't need an article from me to tell you that, though there is a disturbing trend in fiction where female violence against males is downplayed, probably because women are still perceived (on an emotional level, if not an intellectual one) as being less potent and dangerous than males.

But when it comes to ignoring a prospective or current partner's "no", many people sincerely believe that that's OK or even good.

This results in soon-to-be victims ignoring the warning signs that they were trained to see as a positive, and non-predators inadvertently making themselves look like potential rapists who should be avoided.

The Guardians franchise seriously needs a scene where someone - preferably Rocket - calls Peter out on his boundary-busting crap.

Partly for the reasons outlined above, and partly because a cranky racoon with terrible relationship skills giving Peter relationship advice is a funny mental image.

Are you sick of seeing stories romanticize suitors who ignore their love interests' desires, opinions, and right to say "no"?

Do you think I'm overreacting?

And have you had experiences where people trampled your boundaries and ignored your "no", and seemed to think they were doing the right thing?

I look forward to your comments.

Guest post by Ryan Lanz.

Writers use dialogue tags constantly. In fact, we use them so often that readers all but gloss over them. They should be invisible. However, there are ways to misuse them and make them stand out.

In an effort to avoid that, let’s take a closer look at dialogue tags. Toward the end of “Tag travesties” is something I sorely wish someone had told me before I started writing.
 

Why do we use dialogue tags?

The simple answer is that we use them to indicate who’s speaking. In visual media, such as movies or television, the viewer can easily tell who’s talking by lip movement and camera angles. When reading a book, obviously that’s not an option.
 

Tag travesties

There are certainly ways to misuse dialogue tags. When I was a new writer, I felt compelled to overwrite. I ‘m sure every new writer goes through a version of this.

I observed how successful writers used simple tags like “said/asked” and thought to myself, that’s boring. I’m going to be an awesome writer by making them more interesting.

You don’t have to admit it aloud, writers, but we all know that most of us have. Let’s look at an example of this:

• “We can’t cross this river,” Alanna exclaimed repugnantly.
• John crossed the room and shouted disgustedly, “I’ll never take you with me.”
• “This has been the worst day ever,” Susie cried angrily.

For those of you who still aren’t convinced, let’s up the dosage with a paragraph:

Hank crossed the room and sat down. “We should have never waited this long for a table,” he seethed, leaning over to glare at her. 
“If you wanted a better spot, you should have called ahead for a reservation,” Trudy returned pointedly.
“Well, perhaps if you didn’t take so long to get ready, I could have,” he countered dryly.

Can you imagine reading an entire book like that? *shiver*

So why do new writers feel the urge to be that . . . creative with their dialogue tags? Back in the beginning, I thought the typical tags of “said/asked” were too boring and dull. It didn’t take me long to realize that dull (in this context) is the point.

Image your words as a window pane of glass, and the story is behind it. Your words are merely the lens that your story is seen through. The thicker the words, the cloudier the glass gets.

If you use huge words, purple prose, or crazy dialogue tags, then all you’re doing is fogging up the glass through which your reader is trying to view your story.

The goal is to draw as little attention to your actual words as possible; therefore, you keep the glass as clear as possible, so that the reader focuses on the story. Using tags like “said/asked” are so clear, they’re virtually invisible.

Now, does that mean that you can’t use anything else? Of course not. Let’s look further.
 

Alternate dialogue tags

Some authors say to never use anything other than “said/asked,” while others say to heck with the rules and use whatever you want. Some genres (such as romance) are more forgiving about using alternate dialogue tags.

I take a more pragmatic approach to it. I sometimes use lines like:

“I’m glad we got out of there,” she breathed.

The very important question is how often. I compare adverbs and alternate dialogue tags to a strong spice. Some is nice, but too much will spoil the batch.

Imagine a cake mix with a liter of vanilla flavoring, rather than the normal tablespoon. The more often you use anything other than “said/asked,” the stronger the flavor. If it’s too powerful, it’ll tug the reader away from the story and spotlights those words.

In a full length book of around 85,000 words, I personally use alternate dialogue tags only around a few dozen times total.

By saving them, the pleasant side effect is that when I do use them, they pack more of an emotional punch.


Related: How to Write Natural Dialogue
 

Action beats

I have a love affair with action beats. Used effectively, they can be another great way to announce who’s talking, yet at the same time add some movement or blocking to a scene. For example:

Looking down, Katie ran a finger around the edge of the mug. “We need to talk.”

That added some nice flavor to the scene, and you know who spoke. The only caveat is to be careful of not using too many action beats, as it does slow down the pacing a tiny bit. If you’re writing a bantering sequence, for example, you wouldn’t want to use a lot of action beats so as to keep the pacing quick.
 
​
Dos and don’ts

Sometimes, action beats and dialogue tags have misused punctuation. I’ll give some examples.

• “Please don’t touch that.” She said, blocking the display. (Incorrect)
• “Let’s head to the beach,” he said as he grabbed a towel. (Correct)
• Sam motioned for everyone to come closer, “Take a look at this.” (Incorrect)
• Debbie handed over the magnifying glass. “Do you see the mossy film on the top?” (Correct)

 
Conclusion

Like many things in a story/novel, it’s all about balance. Try alternating actions beats, dialogue tags, and even no tags at all when it’s clear who’s speaking. By changing it up, it’ll make it so that no one method is obvious.
 

About the author:
 
Ryan Lanz is an avid blogger and author of The Idea Factory: 1,000 Story Ideas and Writing Prompts to Find Your Next Bestseller. You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr.

Image courtesy of Onnola via Flickr, Creative Commons.

Do you write romance, or use it as a sub-plot in your story?

If so, you have a great opportunity to add depth and emotional stakes to your tale... but you may also be in danger of making five all-too-common mistakes that could frustrate, annoy or disappoint your readers.

To see what these mistakes are, as well as how to avoid them, check out my guest article on Live Write Thrive:

​Method 1: Identify the factors that made them interesting as a couple, and keep using them.


Did your readers sigh with longing at the way the pursuer chased their beloved? That doesn’t need to stop when they get married – they can still surprise their partner with unexpected and touching gestures of love.

Did the characters have snappy, snarky, witty banter that kept your audience howling with laughter? Just because they’re lovingly married doesn’t mean they can’t keep teasing each other!

Was there a sense of magic and mystery in the way they kept discovering aspects of each other that they hadn’t known before? Now that they trust each other, they have even more reason to reveal those hidden depths, so keep them coming!

Did you and your readers love watching them help each other to surmount their barriers to intimacy? Simply getting married doesn’t instantly heal all of a character’s wounds, or turn everything into boringly perfect happiness.

There will still be insecurities, fears, defences and flaws that can hold the characters back from the full potential of their love, so they can continue to grow, hesitate and discover even after they say “I do”.

After all, there can – and should! - still be growth, conflict and character development after they get married. But while portraying these things, I strongly recommend that you DON’T turn them into a fight that comes out of nowhere, or that makes a once-good relationship nearly unrecognizable.

Remember, conflict that flows naturally from the characters’ pasts and personalities is good. Conflict that’s shoehorned in just for the sake of conflict is a cheap and often implausible plot device, and your readers will probably notice.


Method 2: Give them something to overcome together.


A new villain can rise up, and force them to rise to new heights of power together on order to overcome their new foe.

A problem from one or both characters’ pasts can come back to haunt them, bringing both fresh danger and drama, and a reason for your character to discover new things about their beloved’s past.

A new revelation can make them question their partner’s character, and drive them to learn more about their spouse – preferably without resetting their relationship’s progress back to what it was before they got married. After all, this article is about how to keep them growing as a couple, not about restoring the status quo. ;)

They may have to change their lifestyle to adapt to married life – they can’t just go and do whatever they want without thinking about how it will affect their partner, and if they decide to draw the villain’s ire, now they have to think about the precious person their enemy might target as a result.

They might even have a baby together – which could be a source of heartwarming drama and comedy as an action hero learns how to change a diaper, or a source of excitement and badassery as the villains break into the house and the heroine fends them off with a sword in one hand and an infant in the other.

All in all, there are plenty of ways to add danger, conflict, drama and tension to a story, without splitting up the duo your audience has fallen in love with.


Method 3: Have the marriage itself act as a catalyst for character development.


When people enter a new level of intimacy, especially if they’ve never felt anything like it before, it can be uncomfortable for them. This is new emotional territory, which can cause them to pull back, get anxious, or even subconsciously sabotage their newfound joy.

The safety of a loving, trusting relationship also creates a haven for inner demons to come to the surface and be healed.

People are often drawn to partners who somehow trigger their emotional injuries and draw their buried wounds into the open, so this is a great opportunity to explore hidden hurts in a character who’s never shown those scars before.

Again, this isn’t a recommendation to make your couple spend the entire sequel fighting, or to tear their once-great relationship apart.

While ruining an established relationship CAN be an effective plot thread, it’s also a heavily-overused way to keep things interesting after the “I do”s, and it creates a risk of disrespecting your previous plot and character development by reverting to the previous status quo.


Method 4: Keep the characters in-character.

​
This may sound obvious, but have you ever noticed that some characters become less “themselves” once they enter a relationship?

Maybe the action heroine becomes less brave, snarky and badass, or the hero loses his edge and becomes meek and tame.

Or maybe a new trait just suddenly sprang up – the hero turns overprotective in a way that doesn’t match his established past and personality, or the heroine morphs into a raging nag.

If the characters’ personalities suddenly mutate as soon as they’re in a relationship, you can’t be surprised when the audience starts wishing for the days when their beloved heroes were single and themselves.
​

I have been pondering an interesting question of late: could a love story be loved if it weren't full of myths?

Last week, I revealed 5 tempting but destructive myths that romance writers seem disturbingly fond of.

They sell us stories in which incomplete people are completed by love...

Having the right relationship is "enough" to fill the hole in your heart...

The presence of a male and female lead means they'll inevitably and swiftly fall in love, and it will last... 

Any relationship, no matter how incompatible, immature or even hostile, can work if the characters love each other enough...

And abusive, controlling or stalkerish behavior can be excused if the character doing it is emotionally damaged or hopelessly in love. The victim doesn't have to end the relationship for their own safety - the relationship is, or soon ​will be, OK the way it is.

Given that one of the core elements of a romance story is escapism, the desire to retreat from reality and enjoy a love story more passionate and romantic than the life one actually lives, could a love story be beloved if it didn't deal in comforting myths?

What if the damaged, incomplete character had to do the inner work to heal, grow, and complete himself/herself?

What if the person driven by emptiness and longing had to heal the core wounds that created those feelings, instead of getting another person to do it all for them?

What if the love interest's love was like a hospital - a place in which one could heal - instead of being the medicine that cured the wound by itself?

Would readers be willing to accept a story that implied such responsibility, instead of offering the promise that the right love would fix everything, with no real work on their part?

What if the fact that the would-be lovers were always sniping, criticizing and arguing DIDN'T mean they were secretly in love and perfect for each other - what if it meant they were too immature to sustain a relationship, and needed to grow before lasting love would be possible?

And what if the character who was passionate and generous with gifts and compliments, but who was also manipulative, controlling and emotionally unstable, was portrayed for what they are: a dangerous and unhealthy partner who shouldn't be touched with a ten-foot pole until they heal and grow up?

If a love story didn't portray an idealized version of romance, where hostility is OK and love fixes everything, would it have a hope of becoming as popular as things like Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey?

I hope so. I'm actually working on outlining such a story - the romance won't be the only plot, but it will be a large factor.

​Two damaged characters fall in love... but before they can be happy together, they must find a way to heal and be happy with themselves.

Does it bother you when romance stories perpetuate myths?

And would you like to see a love story where the characters need to grow up, heal, and deal with their own baggage instead of getting someone else to do it for them?

​I look forward to reading your comments.

In case you're wondering what I'm talking about, instead of sagely and sadly shaking your head in a quiet fit of "I know, right?", here are some examples of movies and tendencies that you may have seen, but may not have pegged as being or exemplifying romantic myths:

1.
In the movie named after him, Jerry Maguire famously tells his love interest that she completes him.

2.
In a movie I just finished watching, which I won't name because this is a bigger spoiler than "the characters in a rom-com get together", the main character discovers that the woman he loves is "enough to fill the hole in you" - that if he's with her, he'll no longer crave the attention and applause he's been pursuing his entire life.

3.
Over and over, I've seen characters fall in lasting love in an insanely short span of time, with the strong implication that the relationship actually lasts.

4.
Obvious incompatibilities or personality problems can be overlooked if love (read: lust) is strong enough. This is so pervasive that item 98 in The Evil Overlord List says, 

​I'll go through them one at a time. My first victim will be:
​

Many people would like to believe that the right lover will "complete them".

Even if they're insecure, emotionally unhealthy, and don't have much of a life of their own, they cling to the idea that a special person will come into their life and change everything... without them having to do the work of changing themselves.

The trouble is, nobody else can complete you, and you can't complete anybody else.

Each person has to complete themselves, and people who don't understand that are destined to either be alone, or to cycle through a series of codependent relationships filled with unrealistic expectations and disappointment, until they finally learn that Jerry is full of crap and "you complete me" is a myth.

​But it is rather comforting, isn't it? To think that someone else will just come in and take care of all that hassle for you? Speaking of hassle, let's move on to...
​

Many people, even those who aren't protagonists with spoilers attached to them, feel like there's something missing in them, or something's not quite right.

They feel that maybe if they got that promotion, did a little better in their field, overcame a character flaw, or - of course - got that one special relationship, then maybe that hole would finally be filled.

The pain and feelings of inadequacy would go away, and they'd finally feel loved, secure, whole, and like they were good enough.

You can probably guess where this is going, since it's closely related to Jerry's example, but here goes:

​No relationship is going to fill that hole in you.

I like to use the analogy that love is like a hospital.

It's a safe place to heal, to let down your guard, and to do the exercises that will identify and heal the wounds, repattern the old beliefs and habits, and help you do the growing you need to do in order to fill that hole.

But love is NOT a magic cure that heals wounds by itself, any more than simply being in a hospital will make a bullet hole go away.

This myth is one of the reasons why people get into abusive relationships. In some cases, the abuser expects their victim to be the solution to all their inner problems, to be perfect enough to fill the hole that is causing their pain, anger or insecurity.

And the abused believes that this is a realistic expectation - that if only they were better in some way, they could heal or change their abuser, or live up to their deluded expectations.

Needless to say, this myth pisses me off, because it leads to a LOT of pain and suffering in real life.

And yet, people love it, because what could be better than being let off the hook for ALL of the inner growth you would otherwise need to do?

Believing that your abusive relationship will get better if you could only fill the hole, that's what.
​

Now this is a tempting one. After all, that intense chemical romance you feel HAS to be real, right?

It's intense, powerful, overwhelming, true, and it will definitely last for your whole life and overcome anything that could possibly get in its way.

...Unless, of course, you and your partner lack all the skills necessary to make your love last, and you spend all your time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when you are saving each others' lives, at which point there are hints of sexual tension.

If I had a dollar for every couple who thought their love could overcome all the inner wounds, bad relationship skills, and lack of a desire to do the work it takes to maintain a relationship, only to find themselves falling out of love after a few months or years, I'd be as rich as some of the writers who promote this myth.

As with anything worthwhile in life, maintaining a healthy relationship takes a certain set of skills.

And if the participants lack the mutual respect, conflict resolution skills, and emotional maturity to create and keep a good romance, their 'happily ever after' probably isn't going to last much longer than the ending credits do.

"Do you know why he's teasing you? Because he likes you!"

I don't know how many little boys grow up hearing that kind of stupidity, but it's infamous as a way to excuse boys' bad treatment of little girls.

Boys, meanwhile, are told not to hit girls, and can get in trouble for it even if the girl started it.

And then there are the romance novels where one of the partners manipulates, humiliates, controls, degrades, terrorizes, or even physically harms their partner... but it's all right, because they're only doing it because they're so passionate about you!

Or if it isn't because of their overwhelming burning love for you, it's because they're emotionally damaged, and it's your responsibility to stick around and heal their wounded heart.

The trouble is, if you make it easy to continue their bad behavior by staying in a relationship with them, guess what happens?

You guessed right (I hope) - when you make it easy to keep misbehaving, they keep misbehaving! They don't have the motivation to change their ways.

Now, that's not to say that there have NEVER been instances where one partner decided to change and improve in order to become a better partner, because they loved their significant other so much.

But when a person is being abusive, and their partner condones or accepts their abuse, that just tells them that they don't need to change.

And no amount of passion, romance, or perceived responsibility for the other person's healing is going to make up for the catastrophic levels of damaged the abused partner will probably sustain before they realize the other person wasn't planning to change, and get the heck out of there.

And if that isn't horribly un-romantic, I don't know what is.

Have you noticed some disturbing trends in romance stories?

Do you have a myth you'd like to bust?

​I'd love to hear from you in the comments.

Have you ever run into a trope, cliché or character type that annoyed you every time you saw it?

I've got a few, and just last night one of them reared its head in a movie I was watching. I'll be vague in order to avoid spoilers, but in this movie, the female protagonist was struggling to recover from events that had left her deeply traumatized.

She was emotionally wounded, scared, fighting to cope, and clearly not ready for romance... so what does the guy she's talking with do?

Kisses her, even though she's clearly not receptive to it, because "I had to do that, just once."

And then, the trauma continues, because the movie's just starting, and sci-fi action movies don't tend to focus on protagonists with safe, happy lives. The heroine continues fighting to cope, bearing scars that her male counterpart doesn't seem to share, and on top of that, soon she has to deal with the fact that he has a crush on her, and isn't content to leave it at a level she's OK with.

Granted, these two male characters genuinely cared about her. They wanted to help, and the second one did eventually back it off to a more respectful level. And this was one of the tamer examples. But I'm tired of this kind of behavior being seen as healthy or romantic, because it really isn't.

Ah, the "Nice Guy vs Bad Boy" dichotomy. A dynamic that causes the 'nice guys' of the world no end of angst, as they watch the women who SHOULD be with them make bad decision after bad decision, and suffer years of pain that they wouldn't have experienced if only they'd gotten their heads on straight and chosen the right guy.

After all, if a guy is nice to a girl, it would be stupid and shallow of her to be attracted to someone who isn't as nice as he is, right?

...Please tell me you aren't nodding your head. If you are, I've got bad news: you've been watching too much TV. And those shows and movies are NOT keeping you single, but the stuff that you're learning from them is.

That goes for you too, ladies. I'm going to focus this post on the guys, but the next one will be for you.

So here is how, in my opinionated opinion, the 'nice guy' dynamic in pop culture is screwing up our relationships and keeping men from being attractive to the women they want:

1. It turns relationships into currency.

You know that moment in a story when a woman gets rescued, and she rewards her protector with a kiss or by falling in love? Yes, there's an element of truth in that - by saving her, he showed that he cares about her, and he probably made a pretty attractive display of bravery and skill in the process.

But by portraying love as a reward for good actions, fiction risks equating it with currency. A guy puts bravery and kindness coins into a girl, and eventually, love and/or sex falls out.

And nothing turns a woman on like knowing she's a product and the 'niceness' is actually a down payment.

What, you don't do that? Let me ask you a question. Do you think the 'friendzone' is a punishment? If you spend time with a girl, and listen to her problems, do you consider that closeness and the trust she's placed in you by baring her soul to be 'wasted effort' on your part if she doesn't become your girlfriend?

If the answer is 'yes', then yes... you were treating her like a product. And, what's more, you weren't being a nice guy - you were trying to make a purchase.

2. It portrays women's romantic decisions as being immature, shallow, or stupid.

If the protagonist has competition for his love interest, chances are, it'll be a charismatic 'bad boy' who doesn't treat her right. The 'bad boy' will be sexy, mysterious, but obviously bad for her... if only she would do the smart thing and hook up with the nice guy!

But no, she's too shallow or stupid. He's rich, he's handsome, he's got 'game', and that's all she cares about. She isn't intelligent enough to know what's good for her. This, of course, takes the onus off the 'nice guy' to discover why she isn't attracted to him; if he waits long enough, maybe she'll grow up and notice him. If not, she wasn't worth it in the first place.

Trouble is, as explained in point #1, it doesn't necessarily work this way in reality, because a lot of real-life 'nice guys' aren't actually nice. They've got an agenda, and they're just as happy to 'play' the women in their lives as the 'players' are - but instead of faking love, they fake friendship. They do nice things, but everything has strings attached.

So if a woman doesn't fall in love with a guy who's wearing a mask and playing her, it isn't because she's stupid. It's because she's smart enough not to get involved with a person who has a hidden agenda!

On the other hand, these 'bad boys' tend to be pretty up-front about who they are and what they want. And even if who they are and what they want is, admittedly, unhealthy in some cases, that honesty is still a lot more attractive than a fake friendship and a mask that looks like what a guy THINKS a woman wants to see.

Let's face it - it's just wish fulfillment.

There are a lot of jilted 'nice guys' out there. Enough that creating a piece of fictional wish fulfillment, in which the girl gets over her bad-boy lover and falls for the nice guy, is a profitable proposition.

"Just be yourself", these stories tell you. Which is great advice, except that a lot of people take it to mean "keep pretending to be the person you're pretending to be, without owning your own preferences and beliefs or being honest about what you want".

"She'll grow up and become attracted to people like you, or else she just isn't worth it", the tales imply, without admitting that sometimes it's their target audience who needs to grow up.

What's your opinion on this?

Do you think my assessment of the situation is accurate? If not, what have I missed?

Are there any other ways in which the fictional portrayal of 'nice guys' is affecting our relationships?

I'd love to hear from you!

And also, stay tuned, because women also make mistakes when it comes to nice guys and relationships, and I'll be exploring them next week.