Last week, I went on an opinionated little rant about how fictional 'nice guys' teach men things that are actually counterproductive in their efforts to woo women.
This week, as promised, I'm going to look at the other side of the coin, and see what kind of unhealthy ideas women are picking up from these fictional romances.
1. They tell you that you're stupid or wrong for being attracted to the people you're attracted to.
This week, as promised, I'm going to look at the other side of the coin, and see what kind of unhealthy ideas women are picking up from these fictional romances.
1. They tell you that you're stupid or wrong for being attracted to the people you're attracted to.
I've noticed a bombardment of fiction and anecdotes that all give the same message: "Even if you aren't attracted to the nerdy/fat/awkward nice guy, give him a chance. Keep spending time with him. Eventually you'll probably become attracted to him."
And all too often, it's coupled with a scenario in which the more charismatic option turns out to be a player or just not interested enough.
Yes, some crushes are a BAD idea. Not every attractive guy is relationship material, and sometimes, you have to know when to walk away.
But between too many stories and the rantings of a horde of rejected 'nice guys', the message comes across loud and clear: girls who are attracted to the handsome or popular guy instead of the underdog are shallow or wrong.
The people they're drawn to are dangerous, so they should spend their time with guys they don't want in hopes that they'll someday be attracted to them.
I wonder how many 'nice guys' think they've been played, simply because the girl involved didn't know that a lack of attraction is just as good a reason to walk away as him not being relationship material... and that the fact that she wasn't attracted doesn't mean she's an idiot.
2. They act like 'niceness' and wanting the woman are enough
"Why is that stupid female character going after that guy who isn't interested in her? She should be going after the guy who wants her!"
Go ahead, tell me that's never crossed your mind. In my brainwashed youth, I know it often crossed mine.
The trouble is, saying "she should date me because I'm nice" is kind of like saying "you should eat at our restaurant because our food is edible!"
And saying "You should date him because he wants you"... do I actually need to explain how that's wrong?
Yes, niceness and desire are prerequisites for a relationship, but he needs to be more than just 'nice', and the desire has to be mutual.
But then, the desire WOULD be mutual if you'd just grow up and start forcing yourself to like nice guys, don't you know?
What's your opinion on this?
Have you seen an example of the kind of stories I'm talking about that you'd like to share/bash?
Do you agree with what I said, or do you think I'm missing something?
I'd love to hear from you in the comments.
And all too often, it's coupled with a scenario in which the more charismatic option turns out to be a player or just not interested enough.
Yes, some crushes are a BAD idea. Not every attractive guy is relationship material, and sometimes, you have to know when to walk away.
But between too many stories and the rantings of a horde of rejected 'nice guys', the message comes across loud and clear: girls who are attracted to the handsome or popular guy instead of the underdog are shallow or wrong.
The people they're drawn to are dangerous, so they should spend their time with guys they don't want in hopes that they'll someday be attracted to them.
I wonder how many 'nice guys' think they've been played, simply because the girl involved didn't know that a lack of attraction is just as good a reason to walk away as him not being relationship material... and that the fact that she wasn't attracted doesn't mean she's an idiot.
2. They act like 'niceness' and wanting the woman are enough
"Why is that stupid female character going after that guy who isn't interested in her? She should be going after the guy who wants her!"
Go ahead, tell me that's never crossed your mind. In my brainwashed youth, I know it often crossed mine.
The trouble is, saying "she should date me because I'm nice" is kind of like saying "you should eat at our restaurant because our food is edible!"
And saying "You should date him because he wants you"... do I actually need to explain how that's wrong?
Yes, niceness and desire are prerequisites for a relationship, but he needs to be more than just 'nice', and the desire has to be mutual.
But then, the desire WOULD be mutual if you'd just grow up and start forcing yourself to like nice guys, don't you know?
What's your opinion on this?
Have you seen an example of the kind of stories I'm talking about that you'd like to share/bash?
Do you agree with what I said, or do you think I'm missing something?
I'd love to hear from you in the comments.
RSS Feed